If you have been following my posts then you know that a lot of what I share is from personal experience. Over the past couple of years I have experienced a lot of hurts and disappointments. I have experienced a lot of shifts and changes in relationships. People that I thought were meant to be lifetime friends have exited the picture of my life. On the flip side God has added some amazing people into my life as well. With that being said I am learning the importance of CHOICE.
The ability to make sound choices is one of the most powerful weapons that we possess as humans, yet for me it also become a hindrance. As I shared in previous posts, I have always been one that loves and loves hard. In that, when situations come and people hurt me it hurts me deep and I have the tendency to hold on to things. Though I know that I must forgive, I have found that is a lot easier than it sounds.
You see, for me, the feelings of hurt, anger, and disappointment out weighed the knowledge of God's Word and His requirement of me. If the truth were to be told, many of you reading this have been here to. My refusal to let go and allow God to do the work that He was desiring to do in my life and in the lives of those who hurt me I subconsciously chose to be the god of my life and went into survival mode. I decided that I needed to protect my heart. I needed to do what I felt like God didn't do.
What I did not realize was that day by day these feelings were eating away at me. Though I living and flourishing outwardly on the inside I was dying. I was slowly becoming a person that I did not even I like. My prayer life suffered. I felt like I could not hear the voice of God. The loving and trusting person that I used to be was becoming suspicious and cold. I found that when I would usually reach out to others I had found it hard to care.
One day, I had been praying about a specific situation and as I was getting in my car one morning, I heard the Lord say to me "Its a pride issue!" It was in that moment that it hit me. My pride had caused me to hold on to the hurt and pain of these situations. I had allowed my pain to shield the fact that my actions could have possibly had an effect on the others involved as well. All I knew is that I was hurt and that was all that mattered.
That Day in my garage I realized that I had a choice to make. I could chose to allow pride to rule and hold tight to my thoughts, my feelings, my way and protect me or I could choose to forgive and allow God to do the work in my life and heart.
I wish I could tell you that instantly in that moment I came to myself and everything got better overnight however, that was not the case at all. I had to walk out the process. I had to repent to God and to those involved. I had to do some things the I vowed to myself that I would never do. Though all of the situations has not fully changed, I can say with certainty that God has done a work in my heart as a result of my choice to forgive. My challenge to you today, is no matter how deep the hurt, know that it does not out weigh the pain that Christ endured on the cross. If He who was without sin is willing to forgive you no matter how may times you have hurt Him, I invite you to extend the same grace to the ones who have hurt you. Remember that ALL things (good, bad, painful, or otherwise) work together for the good of those who love God and are the called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).